It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
