A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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