I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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