Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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