Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
