He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
