cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
