I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
