i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
