Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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