using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think my moral compass just broke
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
