end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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