living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
