so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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