I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
