you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
