You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
In America we eat man semen.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
