have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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