oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
