My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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