My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
