My first STD was from a foam party
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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