So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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