Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
