i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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