It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
