she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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