thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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