two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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