Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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