i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
