Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
