you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
