help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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