there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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