U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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