you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
