i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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