Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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