didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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