Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Every concussion has its silver lining
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
