One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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