all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
