im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
