I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
