had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
