I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
