You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
