you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
smell my finger.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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