You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
