I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
