It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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