what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
