i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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