she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize