Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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