Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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