I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
