I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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