Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
