So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
