Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
