Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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