Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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