My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
