I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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